🌸 I Thought They Had to Change Before I Could Be Happy

The biggest miracle wasn’t that someone else changed. It was realizing I already had.

Have you ever found yourself waiting for someone else to change?

Maybe it’s your spouse. A parent. Someone who hurt you years ago. Someone who still lives in your mind rent-free.

You tell yourself you’ll finally have peace when they apologize. When they admit they were wrong. When they pay for what they did.

Until then, your happiness feels just out of reach. I know that feeling.

The folded piece of paper

Last week I found a folded piece of paper tucked inside one of my recovery journals.

I had written it eight years ago.

It said:

”I need to be okay with her ‘not okay,’ for me to be okay.”

I smiled.

Because today, that sentence is no longer true. Not because my kids’ mom became someone different. Because love had quietly been changing me.

The question that stayed with me

A day later, I was listening to Pastor Erwin McManus.

He asked one question I couldn’t shake.

Is your life defined by love?

Jesus said,

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about that second commandment.

Can I really say I love God with all my heart if I am unwilling to love someone made in His image?

For me, that meant my kids’ mom. My parents. Others I had struggled to love.

Who is hardest for you to love right now?

The happiest place on earth

Have you ever noticed how someone who hurt you can follow you everywhere?

You can be standing in line at Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and somehow they’re on every ride with you.

They didn’t even have to buy a ticket. Yesterday’s hurt steals today’s joy. That’s what unforgiveness does.

Friday gave me every reason to react

On Friday, something happened that gave me every reason to react.

I felt the old pull rise. To get involved. To be right. To make sure someone else knew it.

I prayed instead.

More than once. I sensed the Holy Spirit whisper,

”Stay out of it.”

That whisper was grace showing up before I even asked for it.

The next day, the person I was upset with called. They needed a little help. Without hesitation, I said yes. After we hung up, I looked at Gemma.

“We’re family,” I told her.

“Family helps each other.”

Then we prayed for them. At the time, it didn’t feel significant.

Monday changed how I saw Friday

A few days later, I found that same folded piece of paper again.

Suddenly, God connected the dots. Friday didn’t change me. It revealed the quiet work love had already been doing through grace. The man who wrote that note believed someone else needed to change before he could be okay.

The man reading it no longer believed that. Not because circumstances had changed. Not because every relationship had been restored. Because love had already done its quiet work.

Looking back, I realized the anger never took root.

Where the story really began

I realize Friday wasn’t where this story began.

It began in November 2018.

Gemma and I had just gone to a Hillsong Worship concert. On the drive home, she looked at me and said,

“One day I want to sing on the worship team at Eastlake Church.”

Immediately, I could picture it. Her mom sitting in church. Watching her daughter worship Jesus. Then one thought hit me.

I don’t want to be the obstacle.

Jesus calls us to be peacemakers.

If that day ever came, I wanted there to be peace between us.

So we started praying. Every morning. First for Mama and her new boyfriend.

Not because forgiveness felt easy. Because love wanted something greater.

I truly believe the greatest gift anyone can receive is Jesus.

I couldn’t change her heart. But I could pray. And I could choose peace.

I didn’t realize it then, but every prayer was planting something in me too.

Eight years later, Friday simply revealed the harvest.

Is your life defined by love?

Eight years ago, I thought I was praying for God to change someone else.

Looking back, I think He was changing me.

If someone is hardest for you to love right now, don’t start by asking God to change them.

Start by praying for them.

You may discover one day that while you were asking God to work in their life, He was quietly transforming yours.

🌸 Happy Grace,

Luis

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💙 The Life-Changing Power of Boundaries and Forgiveness

Forgiveness doesn’t mean removing every boundary. It means trusting God enough to let go of bitterness while walking in wisdom. Read more.