💙 The Life-Changing Power of Boundaries and Forgiveness

How Wisdom Helped Me Find Peace and Freedom in Difficult Relationships

Hey – It’s Luis.

Welcome to Day 6 of the 30-Day Writing Challenge!

When I was 45, a Pastor gave me unforgettable advice.

At the time, I was wrestling with what it meant to be a good Christian while trying to love someone hard to love. In the process, I found myself making several mistakes:

1. I Had No Boundaries

“Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

I learned that boundaries are for me, not for others. They define how far I’m willing to go. It’s on me to know my limits and uphold them.

2. I was Putting Up Barricades, Not Boundaries

“Freedom is playing with boundaries. Security is playing within boundaries.”

Boundaries create space for meaningful connection, while barricades push people away. I didn’t understand the difference.

3. I Was Not Being Wise in My Relationships

“Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you. They must prove they have changed over time.”–Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

I was quick to forgive but unwise in maintaining relationships with people who continued to harm me.

Until one day, the Pastor said to me:

“Yes, love and tolerance of others is our way of life. But that does not mean we are expected to have a relationship with everyone.”

The Bible says, “Be Wise.”

The Pastor continued:

“If someone has proven untrustworthy, I do not seek a relationship with them, call them on their birthday, or invite them to dinner.”

That day, my perspective shifted forever.

A Moment That Changed Everything

One evening, I was at my neighborhood Starbucks just before closing. As I packed up my things, I noticed someone I cared about—but was no longer in a relationship with—sitting across the room.

When our eyes met, I smiled because my heart was clean. I had forgiven them, and I was generously happy to see them.

Later, we sat in my car for two hours in the rain. I listened as they shared what was on their mind. When we parted ways, I said a prayer for them.

I do not call them on their birthdays or invite them to the movies, and I am not in a relationship with them, which is okay.

At that moment, I understood the meaning of “Love and tolerance of others is our code.”

P.S. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? I’d love to hear it.